two things I hate

When people like purposely wait to hold the door for me. Like don't slam the door in my face but if I'm more than 10 steps behind you and I'm not like struggling or clearly have my hands full don't hold the fucking door. I'm not gonna say thank you. why? because holding the door like that is called benevolent sexism folks. I'm fully capable of opening a door myself.

On a lighter note, i hate when pedestrians wave me to go at a stop sign. unless you have no intention of crossing the street dont 'wave' me through. I'm in a fucking car I think I'll decide who goes when. fuckin walkers.....

The other morning my mom said...

"I took the entire day off for us to run errands" - YOU ARE A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER! TECHNICALLY YOU HAVE EVERYDAY OFF!

My weekend...

I spent this entire weekend SINGING. yes thats right, SINGING. something I dont do. pretty much I have to be in the choir for my music minor. and we have to perform. we practiced for like 6 hours on saturday and then on Sunday we have MORE practice and then the actual performance.

I'm literally not friends with one single person in the choir. They provided lunch on saturday because we practiced from 930 AM until 4 PM. I walked into this room with these round tables and there was like a lunch line. It reminded me of middle school and I refused to be a part of it. So I sat by myself at a table and realized WOW I like NONE of these people. how fucked up is that? So I sat there until I was conpletely surrounded by old androgenous ladies who appereantly like to sing. I sat there for about 5 minutes listening to them discuss church and music and was like ... I can't do this.

So I went over and sat with this girl who I hate but like at the same time. She's like every will and grace character molded into one. She tries to act like she parties or something? like shes a badass and I just wanna be like sister you don't even know the half of it....

It was painstaking just standing there pretending to sing while I have literally a billion other things I could be doing. Not to mention I had to take off work for it. AND the conductor lady kept calling me out but its like BITCH I DONT SING. sorry. She told me to pin my bangs back out of my face. I was like OK! but in my head I was like go fuck yourself.

The only positive note was that 1. there was a straight up super hot milf. too bad shes in a catholic choir. And 2. the conductor for the first choir was crazy hot too!

Old people are weird. That's all.

Also, I conned my mom into going. little did she know it was gonna be boring as shittttttt. WIN.

And now the next day, I have Mozarts Veni Spiritus Sanctus in my head. and also this crazy german gypsy song....

Good Rules for Waterfall

Here are some good rules to makes when you pull the rulemaker card in waterfall

1. no numbers

2. no names

3. no colors

4. no swearing

5. no prepositional phrases

6. no referencing other rules

7. no adverbs

8. no usage of past tense verbs

9. no gerund phrases - i.e. ING

10. no use of idioms or turn of phrase

-pretty much guaranteed success you'll get WASTED.

You're welcome

Slut codes

I hate when girls say that most of their friends are guys. Because MOST of the time this is a gigantic lie. You aren't friends with these guys, you are just always fucking one of them. "I get along better with guys" is code for "I'm a slut". If you have ever actually been friends with guys then you know because they are say the most disgusting shit. Not just typical boy shit but about girls. Theres that situation where one guy starts to say something and then he kinda stops becase he doesnt wanna offend you. If there is a guy there that says "oh no its cool" then you ARE indeed friends with them and not just a piece of ass. But most of the time, youre just a slut

Things I like about being a girl

The best part about being a girl is that

1. when I buy sports jerseys I can pay half price cuz I just buy a kids size.

2. I can get shit for free if I look cute.

3. I never have to lift heavy shit.

Dancewear

Things of this nature:


BTW I'm selling all the dancewear in my basement. It's all brand new. Selling this for essentially half price. If you're cool I'll cut you a deal. Let me know!! I only have a few things listed on ebay right now to see how they sell.

http://myworld.ebay.com/ewinch01/

I don't know if people get it

There are SO many things I want to do like ironically but I'm pretty positive most people wouldn't get it. Things like wearing a Beiber shirt, or like anything thats the miley cyrus brand. Or those Kanye West sunglasses. Cuz I'd think it was really really funny, but people might think I'm serious. And then probably even after explanation probably wouldn't get the joke anyway. You'd be shocked how many people think that irony is rain on your wedding day.....

I love Loreal Kids Shampoo and heres why:

Loreal kids shampoo is the best shit ever. Ok well actually only the blue shampoo that smells like orange and then the purple conditioner. It smell SO GOOD. Why don't they make adult shampoo smell that good. I love having delicious smelling hair and it makes it feel so soft. Its incredible. I wish I could smell it all day.

You know whats a joke? BATTERY PULLS

Battery Pulls. It sucks. I just had to do it. Blackberry users you know what I'm talking about. It takes FOREVER. but it fixes EVERYTHING. I hate when I'm somewhere and I'm bored so I'm dicking around with my phone and it freezes up and I have to battery pull. Its excruciating. I sit there and stare at that bar loading. It especially sucks when I'm mid BBM convo with someone and I gotta battery pull because I know I'm missing out on so much. It's the longest three minutes of my life.

Also a new thing

Along with "I love (blank) and heres why" I'm going to start "You know whats a joke" starting today.

New Idea

Im gonna start posting about this I love and why. It's gonna be called "I Love (blank) and heres why" so be ready for all that.

This whole "music" thing

There's this guy in my music theory one class and he's totally that guy who is like "Oh I was JUST about to say that!" and its like no you weren't don't lie. You were so NOT gonna say that. Also he does that thing where someone gives the answer and he says it real fast after they are saying it, like trying to make it sound like they're saying it in unison so they'll sound smart. He couldn't even play all of the 5 finger scales on the piano. So, clearly he knows very very little. Maybe he knows what wikipedia taught him....

I'm being forced into the choir. I hate singing. I don't sing its not my thing. I play piano and guitar and some other things but I do not sing. I repeat, I DO NOT SING. I'm terrible at it. I have the most monotone voice EVER. Literally my scale range is like from the g below middle to to e and that's it. Don't get me wrong I WISH I could sing. and I sing in my car with the music up so loud I can't hear myself because when I can hear myself I can tell how far off I am. It's rough. I'm in a room full of "musicians" and not gonna lie they're pretty pretentious but it makes for great people watching. This one girl sings like she's on American Idol for the win, like each song means something very personal to her.

This is rough, I like my music butttttttt I don't like musicians, for the most part. Very few are cool. The rest are just trying to prove some sort of point. They take themselves to seriously. I'm the type of person that can totally admit that I LOVE POP MUSIC and can at least appreciate most types of music. They people seem like they are going out of their way to alienate people. But whatever helps you sleep at night and amuses me is alright with this girl

Pretty good but not great

So I have like a million muses. And I'm good/capable at a lotta things but I'm not particularly GREAT at anything. Like I can sew, knit, play guitar, play piano, play drums, paint, tap dance, do some backflips, um things of that nature but I'm not like really really good at any of them.

The things that I AM really great at are

1. Being sarcastic

2. Being awkward

3. Being observant

4. Being crafty

5. Making messes

Things that I suck at that kind of suck

1. Singing

2. Parking and driving in general

3. Listening

4. Drawing

But I'm kind of ok with that. Cuz whenever someone is really good at something its cuz they secretly hate themselves I think. And I like me. A lot.

Yuck

I hate when your dog is chewing on a rawhide stick and it gets to the end and it's all gross and sick and it sounds like hes chewing gum or something. Then its all mushy. Then he comes over it drops it on your lap or something and it touches your skin and its like AH SICK.

my dogs doing that right now....

So maybe your life isnt so great

So theres this girl I work with. She’s nice and all but I’m pretty positive she’s the fakest person ever. She always acts like she’s SO much fun and so spontaneous and awesome and I’m pretty sure its all completely fabricated. Here’s why:

She has a bunch of pictures of her and her friend out by the pool. In every pic they are posing as if to say “HEY LOOK HOW FUN WE ARE. WE ARE HAVING SO MUCH FUN”. BUT their hair is DONE in every picture. Not like it looks cute, like its done, time was spent on it. and also, there is no sun out whatsoever. Not only is it cloudy, it almost looks like its could out. Most certainly does not look like a day where you would go into a pool.

So now we all know, your summer fun is fabricated and you’re a phony. It makes me feel better about my life because first of all I don’t have to stage eleborate photoshoots on overcast days to SHOW people how much fun I have outside. Wanna know why? Cuz I’m too busy dicking around outside with my jackass friends to have time to take pictures.

It’s almost sad because she clearly puts effort into trying to make her life look fun when its not. Key word: ALMOST

YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE

So, I’ pretty much hate how facebook decides my life. It started simple, just a few friend suggestions. Then it turned into groups and pages. Now it tells me what I like and who I need to talk to. Maybe there’s a reason I don’t talk to that person and thats why I don’t wanna “reconnect” with them facebook. Then it connects to my phone and tells me where people work and go to school and puts events into my calender and NOW it decides whose info pops up on my feed?!??? Fuck you facebook YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.

I'm not pissed off that just the way I look.

People always assume that I’m pissed off. Most of the time I’m not. Trust me, if I were pissed, you’d know it. Apparently, when I don’t smile, I look pissed. But what am I suppose to do? Walk around with a goofy ass grin on my face like my mom did a little too much E when I was in the womb? I’m so sick of everyone saying, “Hey why don’t you smile more?” Or “Hey give us a smile!” how about “Hey shut your fucking face”

If all you can come up with for conversation is giving me shit for not smiling then maybe you should go home and google “conversation starters” or something.

Then there’s always “That Guy” who wants to makes it his personal job to try to make me laugh. Why is it that this guy is never ACTUALLY funny. All he does it act like an ass. And apparently touching me or my face or my hair is suppose to make me laugh. I don’t know you don’t touch me. I was in a good mood until you started fucking with me.

Another thing that SUCKS is that I can’t hear. I come off like a super bitch because sometimes if someone isn’t talking directly to me in a group conversation I zone out and start playing on my phone. But its not because I don’t care!!! It’s because I can’t hear!!! I’m pretty sure “what” is my most commonly used word. Ever.