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Monday, April 11, 2011

two things I hate

When people like purposely wait to hold the door for me. Like don't slam the door in my face but if I'm more than 10 steps behind you and I'm not like struggling or clearly have my hands full don't hold the fucking door. I'm not gonna say thank you. why? because holding the door like that is called benevolent sexism folks. I'm fully capable of opening a door myself.

On a lighter note, i hate when pedestrians wave me to go at a stop sign. unless you have no intention of crossing the street dont 'wave' me through. I'm in a fucking car I think I'll decide who goes when. fuckin walkers.....

Monday, March 21, 2011

The other morning my mom said...

"I took the entire day off for us to run errands" - YOU ARE A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER! TECHNICALLY YOU HAVE EVERYDAY OFF!

My weekend...

I spent this entire weekend SINGING. yes thats right, SINGING. something I dont do. pretty much I have to be in the choir for my music minor. and we have to perform. we practiced for like 6 hours on saturday and then on Sunday we have MORE practice and then the actual performance.
I'm literally not friends with one single person in the choir. They provided lunch on saturday because we practiced from 930 AM until 4 PM. I walked into this room with these round tables and there was like a lunch line. It reminded me of middle school and I refused to be a part of it. So I sat by myself at a table and realized WOW I like NONE of these people. how fucked up is that? So I sat there until I was conpletely surrounded by old androgenous ladies who appereantly like to sing. I sat there for about 5 minutes listening to them discuss church and music and was like ... I can't do this.
So I went over and sat with this girl who I hate but like at the same time. She's like every will and grace character molded into one. She tries to act like she parties or something? like shes a badass and I just wanna be like sister you don't even know the half of it....
It was painstaking just standing there pretending to sing while I have literally a billion other things I could be doing. Not to mention I had to take off work for it. AND the conductor lady kept calling me out but its like BITCH I DONT SING. sorry. She told me to pin my bangs back out of my face. I was like OK! but in my head I was like go fuck yourself.
The only positive note was that 1. there was a straight up super hot milf. too bad shes in a catholic choir. And 2. the conductor for the first choir was crazy hot too!
Old people are weird. That's all.
Also, I conned my mom into going. little did she know it was gonna be boring as shittttttt. WIN.
And now the next day, I have Mozarts Veni Spiritus Sanctus in my head. and also this crazy german gypsy song....

Monday, January 3, 2011

Good Rules for Waterfall

Here are some good rules to makes when you pull the rulemaker card in waterfall

1. no numbers
2. no names
3. no colors
4. no swearing
5. no prepositional phrases
6. no referencing other rules
7. no adverbs
8. no usage of past tense verbs
9. no gerund phrases - i.e. ING
10. no use of idioms or turn of phrase

-pretty much guaranteed success you'll get WASTED.
You're welcome

Slut codes

I hate when girls say that most of their friends are guys. Because MOST of the time this is a gigantic lie. You aren't friends with these guys, you are just always fucking one of them. "I get along better with guys" is code for "I'm a slut". If you have ever actually been friends with guys then you know because they are say the most disgusting shit. Not just typical boy shit but about girls. Theres that situation where one guy starts to say something and then he kinda stops becase he doesnt wanna offend you. If there is a guy there that says "oh no its cool" then you ARE indeed friends with them and not just a piece of ass. But most of the time, youre just a slut

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Things I like about being a girl

The best part about being a girl is that
1. when I buy sports jerseys I can pay half price cuz I just buy a kids size.
2. I can get shit for free if I look cute.
3. I never have to lift heavy shit.